Wednesday, June 02, 2004

OJ and Schampers 

One of my pet hates is catching the glimpse of a 2 dollar coin in the corner of my eye, burried amogst the dirty shirts and towels that litter my bedroom floor, then launching myself down into the flith frantically digging about for it only to find that it was in fact only a 10 cent coins. This gets me so mad that I usually jump up and run around in circles screaming and pulling my hair out until someone barges in and holds me down. This happened to me twice yesterday and I don't know if I'll be able to hold onto my sanity for much longer...

I also found out today that mixing orange juice and champagne isn't nearly as bad as one would think.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Aussie Splendour 

People whose lives are filled with adventure and intrigue (or at the very least tennis practise and a job) always seem to be so envious of my free time "Why I wish I had time to lie down with a book, my life is so hectic at the moment" Well my dears having nothing to do is not only the bane of my existance but the whole of it. So far I've been unable to fill the space of time Bernadette left, everyone else seems to have conjured up alot of activity to keep themselves amused and left me with a good bout of time devoted to MSN, sleeping, and SBS foreign language films.

I've always thought that filling this time with things like earning money was a good idea but one that has not come into fruition. This isn't because I'm very lazy. You might think so, but it's not. I don't know why people wont hire me, I've done everything one's supposed to do. I think the women and employers of the world must have gotten together and created a policy with the ultimate goal of driving myself into a hermit like state of isolation. I don't know what I did to upseat this unholy alliance but I wish I hadn't done it.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Troy: Alot of Sand, Blood and Sex 

I spent 10 dollars and 30 cents to see 'Troy' tonight, 10 dollars and 30 cents is a substantial amount of money for me. As I said to Bonzai Pete, I'd have had alot more fun if I'd thrown it at the local hobo, Ziggy (that's his actual name, I haven't disguised it)

The movie itself was absolutely shocking, it might as well have been called 'The Life and Times of Brad Pitt' The director paid little attention to the actual story and decided to go with what he felt was right, one instance of this has been the removal of any supernatural elements (ie the gods) Once an integral part of the tale the director didn't include them because 'they're silly', of course as the story goes Achilles was so indesctructable because his mother was immortal and the only way he could be killed was if his heel was struck first. In the movie none of that is mentioned he's just naturally that good. Not only does the directer seem to think gods are silly, but women too. There are many major women roles and all of them amount to "Please don't go, stay with me" I know that 3000 years ago women weren't seen as strong and the men did the fighting but come on, the director would have us believe that there sole purpose in life is to provide a vagina and a womb for the big strong men and cry and plead alot when they go away because they can't live without their protectors.

Another aspect of the movie wich greatly pissed me off was the shoddy camera work, it's almost as if they only had 3 differant choices: Close up of the main characters, blurry hand cam in battle, and floating overhead to show how many CG characters/boats could be fit on one screen. Near the beginning Brian Cox says 'How can he expect to take the beach with only 50 men?' This remains a mystery as Bradd Pitt runs onto the beach and we are shown 5 minutes of shaky handcam shots of swords being swung and all of a sudden the battle is won.

Meh, the spiderman 2 trailer looked promising.

The past 2 days I've been hanging out with my old best mate from primary school, Jumpy Fred. I hadn't seen him for years and it's certainly good to see him again.

But I digress.

- Sebun

Pie and Cider 

Well last nights party was interesting to say the least. I myself got quite drunk and cycled through my repetoire of accents (British, French, Japanese, Irish, all the usual cliched stereotypes) and that was fun. Some things though were very irritating. Like being kicked out at 10:30 for sliding around on my back yelling 'WOO'. One thing in particular though, was when me and this girl, Myrtle, literally drank ourselves under the table. When we were underneath said raised wooden platform device I had a whinge about the state of my love life and how lonely I was and she let slip a few things about hers.

She's dating this guy Dirk Zimbo and has been for just over 10 months now. My ex, Bernadette, has a crush on Dirk Zimbo and I believe he may like her back somewhat. This makes me sad because Myrtle is such a nice girl. I remember, back in the day, she would talk about how she loved him. She told me things under the table last night like "sometimes I think he doesn't like me anymore" usually followed soon after "but I know he must even if he doesn't show it" and this made me especially sad because it sounds exactly like the kind of thinking I went through with Bernadette. Much sighage. I predict a slow, out end for those 2 that could last a long time and ending with everyone being surprised because neither of them let on.

Ah well, as I got home at around 11 and was still very, very drunk I decided to hobble up to a nearby function house with Bonzai Pete and see if there mightn't extend my night a little. Of course 3/4 times the function is an office party, and I don't really enjoy watching overweight drunken baby boomers try to have sex with each other, it's just not my thing.

So we gave up on that idea when we visually confirmed this and wobbled up to the local 24/7 convenience store and convinced the late shift worker to give us free pie, it's always been my view that pie is best ett free.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Anxiety + Me = Failure 

Well today I failed miseribly at asking Gilbertina out, I started off with "What are you getting up to this weekend" and figured she'd say nothing and I would reply with "Well hows about you and me do something?" But you know what happened? Not that, that's what. What she actually said was something more substantial then nothing, this caught me off gaurd and allowed enough time for force out "Hey well if you end up not doing something then... you and me should do something... cos... something isn't nothing... and I don't like doing nothing... or something"

And just now I did it properly (and cowardly) over SMS.

I'm so ashamed...

Well I've got that rather splendiferous sounding party to attend to tomorrow, and even if I don't get the chance to whip out my tallywacker I will still be very, very drunk.

- Sebun
P.S: She turned me down by the way

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Its the Peanut, It's Clouded My Judgement 

As much as I'd like to fondle Gilbertinas various bits and bobs I'm really hoping that there will be a plethora of loose women for me to choose from at this part on Friday. Of course Bernadette happens to be good friends with a good portion of what women will be there and she assures me, that through no fault of her own, that none of them will go out with me because of it. Although, they will be drunk *traditional evil MWHUHAHA*

Now back to Gilbertina, I'm fairly sure that I'll be incapable of actually asking her out on a date so it'll end up as a sort of ambigous friendship type thing. And I'm as equally unsure of my ability to seduce women (even loose ones) as I am about wether or not Gilbertina likes me.

However, I own a coat, which changes the odds somewhat.

- Sebun
P.S: Is anyone else as excited as I am about becoming really old and senile so there's an excuse for acting really insane and cranky? Does anyone else even read this?

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

If I had a Penny for Every Coke I've Ever Drunk I'd Have Enough for Lots More Coke 

Todays class with Gilbertina didn't go as well as it usually does, this is somewhat of a let down as next lesson is the last I have before I move the first piece into play. I'm talking about that funny game we all like to play where the odds are stacked against us and there's everything to lose, yes my friends I'm talking 'The Dating Game', a game so horribly complex that few manage to succesfully complete it without tearing out large clumps of hair let alone win.

I haven't yet decided which line of questioning to take, will I start off with "so what are you up to this weekend?" or will I be a little more forward and go with "I am quite good with my penis... sex?"

And where to go after that? A friend of mine, Bonzai Pete, has invited me to a particularly cracking sounding partay on Friday, this shall afford me the pleasure of unfurling my prised coat for all to see. It has been suggested that I invite Gilbertina along, I slapped this suggestion down like I slap a crying child, hard and with good reason. The group of people Bonzai Pete is associated are entirely seperate from the people I spend my time with on most other occasions, Gilbertina fits into this category along with all her other cohorts.

Also if she came it would stop me from getting really stonkered. I might blurt out something like "I lovsh shoe Giljbertoony, I lovsh shoe like a man lovsh hish horsh" which last time I checked was entirely the wrong thing to say to someone you want to sleep with.

- Sebun

Monday, May 24, 2004

New Beginnings at the Beginning 

Well, I haven't really posted anything in here as of yet so I think i shall start. How about with my love life? It's pretty non existent right now, therein lies the problem.

I shall start with the current hoo haa and possibly give some backlog later. The current situation is that I'm quite lonely and I have a deep yearning (i like that word, i like the way it comes out of my mouth, yeeeeaaaaaeeerrning mmm) for someone to hold and to feel someone else’s skin on mine, for the most part there is no voluntary contact between me and anyone else during the day (or the night for that matter) and when I go to bed I have this mighty great big double bed that seems quite empty with only my frail teenage body to inhabit it.

At the moment I have taken a liking to a girl in one of my classes, we shall call her Gilbertina for reference and anonnyminitys sake. Gilbertina suffers from the curse of looking-exactly-like-a-close-friend, the close friend being a fair lass who we shall call Bernadette. Bernadette and I were a 'bit of a thing' for a while (we went out for 9 months and i was crazy about her) but that's all back backstory, right now we're only interested in recent backstory.

So upon first meeting Gilbertina and Bernadette you would be excused for thinking they are twins, they would hate you for it of course but anyone else who'd been duped by this trick of the light would certainly understand. If you've known them for more than say, 4 hours, you'd come to realise that they look less like twins and more like absolutely different people. As is the way of things.

My predicament lies in the fear that if I were to end up making a move on Gilbertina, successful or not, I would be instantly reprimanded by anyone who'd ever met both of them at any point ever. The theory behind this being that I would (hypothetically speaking of course) grow feelings for Gilbertina purely based on the alleged similarities between her and Bernadette.

Of course it's been long enough now that I'm so desperate for 'lovin' that my soul goal in life is to have my way with her :P

- Sebun
P.S: Expect more updates in the future (this is to the non existant readers)

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